I was skimming through a book about propaganda in media. You probably know about Disney’s racist cartoons and nazi propaganda from the early 1900s and what-not. And so then I thought about it: Which fictional characters supported Trump? Would Goku be Antifa? Is Tony The Tiger a centrist?
So I decided to explore my mind and figure out the first question. Which characters would support Trump?
1. Fred Flintstone
Fred Flintstone was probably the most obvious choice for this piece. Loud? Check. Always angry about something? Check. Works in a mine? Check. Fred Flintstone seems like he was born to be a Trump supporter.
On the 1962 “The Happy Household” episode of the Flintstones, Fred essentially goes on a “women be literally shoppin’” rant to Barney about Wilma’s spending habits. Broke ass nigga. After he repeats his rant to Wilma, Wilma vows to get a job and fund her own spending habits.
Wilma ends up with a job as a TV actress. Her show ends up the #1 ranked show on television. Don’t ask me how they got TVs in the stone age. Anyway, Fred sees his wife singing on television and you know how he reacts?
He’s angry. He says he wants a homecooked meal, not a wife making good money from being the NUMBER ONE actress on TV. When Wilma gets home, Fred literally makes her cry(Is this a Lifetime movie? Damn) and tells her to quit. This is completely normal and non-psychopathic behavior.
Wilma explains to Fred that she can’t just quit because contracts and etc. So Fred marches to her job and demands she’s fired. Doesn’t work.
So this is how it ends: Fred plots with a rival TV network and pressures the network that employs Wilma to void her contract. Wilma comes home and cooks a large meal for Fred and he looks at the camera and says “I hope you wives at home are taking notes”
If that ain’t Trump-voting material, what is? Why they ain’t got no black people in Bedrock anyway? You telling me black people weren’t invented yet? I bet they existed but Bedrock is such a bed of white supremacy that they just don’t set foot there.
Fuck Fred Flintstone.
2. Batman
Want to stop crime in your area? Have around 10 billion in net worth? You could build facilities that help people with mental health issues! You could lobby politicians to create pipelines for jobs and improve the schools!
…Or you could buy a bunch of expensive gadgets and beat the shit out of mentally ill people.
Fuck Batman.
There’s nothing heroic about a BILLIONAIRE using his fortune to target and attack people who do petty street crimes. He could easily use some of his very large amount of money to help prevent crimes from happening in the first place, but naaaah. My nigga wants to be on some George Zimmerman shit and play his own private police force.
Donald Trump dropped a lot of coded law and order rhetoric, and Batman’s probably dumb enough to eat all of that shit up.
Trump-supporting asshole.
3. Barbie
53% of white women voted for Trump. While on the surface it seems white women were voting against their own interests, it’s important to keep 2 things in mind:
- White people vote against their own interests to keep people of color down all the time. White people value themselves not by how much worth or achievements they have, but how much more they have than people of color.
2. White women have white dads and white husbands. Well, most do anyway. If your white male husband is gonna have an easier time economically, you are too. When your white dad dies, you inherit what he had. So voting for a candidate that appears to only look out for the interests of white males could be in your interest.
Did you know Barbie was originally designed as a tribute to Tomi Lahren? Of course she was.
Barbie definitely voted for Trump. I ain’t never saw Barbie with no blacks friends until the woke capitalism wave hit and it was in her best monetary interest to do so. Barbie’s look just screams “I’m just saying, if THEY can say it,,,”
I also wouldn’t be surprised if Barbie had a temporary phase where she rebelled against her parents and fetishized black men and claimed she wanted to see a “mulatto cock.”
Fuck Barbie.
4. Bowser
Bowser is DEFINITELY a white supremacist. Goombas are black and easily expendable to him. He clearly has no respect for women, as he’s kidnapped Princess Peach like 20 times. And that might be low-balling the number.
Though I must admit…and this will be problematic…but is Peach secretly into that shit? How the hell you get kidnapped that many times? I’m not victim blaming, but damn. The hell Bowser kidnap her for anyway? And why is he portrayed as an aloof creature who just wants a friend despite purposefully kidnapping a woman several times???
Anyway, Bowser’s obviously a rather rich man, as he has a ton of minions working for him and a LOT of castles. So that combined with his bigotry leaves little doubt that he voted for Trump.
Fuck Bowser.
5. Clippy
Ever use Microsoft Office before Office XP? It included Clippy.
Clippy is an asshole. Ever see one of those people whose entire existence is pitiful so their primary communication is well-actuallying?
That’s Clippy.
He solely exists to correct you or badger you with some bullshit. Clippy’s maniacal eyes stare into your soul and interrogate you and ask you who let you into his country. He is a sick fuck.
And he voted for Trump. Don’t ask any questions.
6. Caillou
Look at this skinhead Nazi fuck. I know he’s not old enough to vote yet, but he definitely has a minecraft YouTube channel where he shows other kids how to build a swastika.
Caillou is an awful person. If you’ve ever watched his terrible show, it’s basically him angrily yelling and screaming about some shit he feels he’s entitled to and whining about not getting his way.
Just like a Trump supporter.
7. Mr. Clean
Oh look, another bald Nazi fuck. Possibly Caillou’s dad.
I once visited Stormfront — the KKK website that’s been taken down recently— so I could scout their tactics and rhetoric. One thing caught my interest: they were against the actions of people like Dylann Roof. Not because he killed black people, but because the method used to do it. The blatant method. A lot of white supremacists are thinking about the long game. They said Dylann could have ended up a judge, or police officer, or a teacher — and enacted his white supremacy from a position of power.
Or maybe Dylann could have became a chemist. And tried to invent a concoction that removed melanin so the black gene was halted for good. Maybe it didn’t work out for him at all but at least his concoction cleaned stuff. So maybe he then started a cleaning company.
Makes you think.
Conclusion
All fictional characters are problematic. The only fictional character that’s woke is me. Thank you for reading.
